After much pondering and soul-searching, I've realized that he ultimately left me because I wasn't worth it (to him). That hurts, but it helps to know and understand. Dealing with my family and religious beliefs was too much to handle for him. I wish he hadn't lied about it not mattering to him. I wish he hadn't told me that he wanted to stay with me no matter what, that he would've fought anything and everything to stay with me. But, you can't always get what you want. It would have been nice to know the truth, but at least I know it now. Better late than never, right?
I almost broke up with him earlier this summer, and I realized today the importance of what he said to me when I tried. He said that if I left him, he wouldn't have anyone left in his life except his one best guy friend. He would be all alone in this world. That should've been a warning sign to me. He should have said, "Please don't leave me, because I love you and I don't want to be without you." Instead he said, "Don't leave me, because then I'll be all alone." You shouldn't be with someone just because you don't want to be alone. You should be with them because you love them and want to share your life with them.
It's such a waste that I loved him and wanted to share my life with him, and all he wanted was not to be alone.
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